A few weeks ago I DNFd in a race for the first time in my life. It was, for me, the best possible outcome.

I sent the following to a friend afterwards:

I spent almost that entire run wanting to quit. The race was harder than I had the capacity for, which meant the majority of the time was spent red lining. In the end, I convinced myself that an inability to run and the pain in my knee were reason enough to DNF; as opposed to doing the last big leg of the race and suffering the consequences. I still don’t know if that was just giving up, or a wise decision. Regardless of the ‘truth’, I was woefully undertrained. Inadequately prepared enough to lean into the hurt.  I had failed before I started.

In ‘Poison’, Twight writes about the fact that beginners need to be coddled, while intermediate and experienced athletes need criticism to improve performance. I think he used the word encouragement rather than coddled, but the principal point is the same: what we need as we mature as athletes changes. I am proposing that the best criticism for some, might be failure.  That as capacity increases with an athlete’s experience, the more important failure becomes. Failing has done more for my motivation than any success or encouragement could have mustered.

Perhaps it all has to do with the frequency of failure that occurs as one progresses. In the beginning failure can’t be avoided. It happens consistently and in small ways, and is fundamental to the process of improving. Yet as egos begin to be tied to ability, and it can be avoided, there is a trend away from seeking out failure. A fear of failing begins to keep many from trying things that they can’t do. This is perhaps why it is so crucial that true failure, not simply giving up, is sought out as we improve our abilities. This is where growth happens, so all the more important to keep seeking it.

A culture of instant gratification teaches that everything is free to have now. It denies the deep truth that everything costs something. How many of us have given up trying hard? We blame burn out, age, and anything else that might let us avoid finding our actual limits. Culturally we instead languish in the delusion that we have already arrived in the position of mastery, having found the limits of our potential.

When was the last time you attempted something that was big enough that you actually found yourself failing? And then accepted that and pushed until you did fail, with no excuses to hide behind other than the fact that you are not yet enough.